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the fine art of helping yourself while pretending to help others
Ah, Ukraine. That plucky little country that just keeps refusing to roll over and let itself be plundered like a well-stocked general store in a town with no sheriff. You have to admire their…
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Elon’s Chainsaw massacre
Here are a couple of snarky headline choices for your letter: Dear Fellow Americans, Well, here we are. Another day in this magnificent experiment of democracy, and another moment that leaves us wondering if…
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The fine art of swindling
My dear fellow Americans, particularly those who have perfected the fine art of shooting themselves in both feet and then demanding the government take away their crutches—allow me a moment of your time. I…
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Doge nothing burger
“DOGE’s $55 Billion ‘Savings’: A Drop in the Ocean of Trillion-Dollar Tax Cuts” In the grand theater of fiscal policy, the Trump administration has unveiled a plan to bestow tax cuts ranging from $5…
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Ah yes, ukraine the mischiveous little nation that invaded itself
Fellow citizens, gather ‘round, for I bring you a tale so rich in irony, so steeped in absurdity, that only the most devoted acolytes of a reality-defying demagogue could whisper it with a straight…
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Who the hell is this rapper?
Like many of you, I had no idea who Kendrick Lamar was beyond knowing he was a young rap artist, and I wasn’t exactly excited for his Super Bowl halftime show. When I watched…
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Lawfare, my ass
Dear Esteemed Readers, In the annals of human folly, there exists a peculiar breed of charlatan whose audacity knows no bounds. These individuals, when ensnared by the very laws they swore to uphold, bellow…
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chillax
Dear Esteemed Readers, If you are reading this, congratulations—you have survived yet another week of what is turning out for most of us to be a shambolic new year, and I, for one, think…
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The underrated value of one’s middle finger
My Dear Fellow Citizens, In a world brimming with inventions of dubious necessity—such as powdered wigs for dogs and self-stirring spoons—we often overlook one of nature’s most profound and practical endowments: the middle finger.…